Wuv Won

With weekends of back-to-back weddings, I’m thinking about wuv.


and I have come to this conclusion: there is no such person as the ONE. When you are done collectively gasping, I will continue…okay…collect yourself, I’ll continue.

To think that of millions and millions of people, you can only be suited to one, is just naive. Now I am going to state that Hubby and I are pretty well suited for each other. I don’t want to brag, but we basically hit the weirdo lottery with each other.  That being said, if I was hit by a bus tomorrow, I do not think that my husband would never find love again. In fact I have given him 3 pre-approved days of mourning before he needs to move on. Why waste time?

Only having one the ONE, soulmate, fated, intended, etc is not only limiting, it is daunting(what if you weren’t on your A game, and missed them???)  Besides, to be a successful ONE to match with another’s oneness, you need to understand yourself first. What do you want? Why do you want it? What are you willing to put up with? What are your deal breakers?  Will you try to be someone’s ONE in return? Phew!

You might have met someone who could have been your one but you made a different choice. Maybe you weren’t ready to commit, maybe he/she needed to be committed, maybe he was a mouth breather or maybe she laughed like a hyena, whatever the reason you passed on that one, you learned something, and you moved on.  Now maybe you are with your ONE. Perhaps you have decided to be your own ONE. Maybe you can’t be limited to ONE. Whatever your situation, good luck and remember life is a result of choices, so regardless of your oneness, choose to be a happy ONE.

“Choose your love. Love your choice.” Thomas S Monson


Sabotage On!

“I’m going to fire up the charcoal grill and make illegal food”. Those words from the Hubby’s mouth started my spiral of poor choices of epic proportion that continued through the night.  He started to say how we’ve come a long way in a short amount of time, and we deserved a cheat day…or at least I think that’s what he said. I couldn’t hear him over my inner voice fat girl cheerleader doing back handsprings and screaming: “Yes! Oh my stars and garters grill me anything you want! If it tastes of charcoal and once walked upon hoof, I’ll take three!!”

Casselton Cold Storage has AWESOME bratwurst so throwing a pack of Hunter’s brats on the grill was just too strong of a temptation for this simple NoDak woman to withstand. That and every voice in my head was singing “Hallelujah” in chorus at the idea of a fatty meat binge. Seriously. It was too good!  We followed them up with stuffed jalapeños or bell peppers: kill me now tasty!

After the binge we had a bonfire and our oldest, Miss E, was SO excited for roasting marshmallows and making smores, she was taking everyone’s marshmallow order: brown or no brown and then lovingly setting the mallow ablaze. I couldn’t tell her no; these are the kind of nights that make future memories.  It was an absolutely perfect night and a good wrap up to two days of working on projects. A few flaming mallows top or it off…and some chips…oh and a couple drinks, son of A-

The scale will be frightening this week. The struggle is real, but I take solace in knowing my hubby won’t mind. In his own words: “I don’t like skinny bitches”.  Phew!  No worries about that from this gal…at least not anytime soon. Cheers to you and your struggles. May your will power be strong or your mallows be flaming! image.jpeg

Unicorn Friends

I went to a “standard” North Dakota wedding reception last night.  The most typical wedding setup around here is as follows:  in the morning preparation starts with hair, possible decorating of the venue, lunch, then photos, a wedding ceremony takes place usually late afternoon followed by a reception which includes dinner, cake, and then a dance that goes until midnight.  This is your basic North Dakota wedding day  recipe.  Some people jazz it up by having “cute” themes or opting for more expensive reception locals.  Some people elope but then come back and have the reception, so it’s basically more work than following the recipe, and some just get married and move on.  Yesterday I was at a standard wedding reception, except this one was unique in the fact that the guest list read like a cast list from my high school days.

Earlier that afternoon I was in the house I grew up in, which is slated to meet the wrecking ball, saving hardwood floors where four generations of my family had walked.  If I compare what it felt like standing in the house I grew up or what it felt like to catch up with some of the key characters from my adolescence, I’d say both to me-feel like home. “Home” for pre-adult Kelli.

There are all kinds of friends: high-maintenance friends who you have to talk to frequently, if not daily, or they question your devotion to them, friends who come around when they need something from you or hope to gain something from you, friends who burn bright in your life for short times and then fade away to never be seen again, and “unicorn friends”.

Unicorn friends are a magical set of friends: it doesn’t matter how long it’s been, it’s like you haven’t lost time at all.  It can be years between sightings of a unicorn friend, but they’d have your back if you found yourself in a dark alley with them.  A couple of these friends, I hadn’t see for YEARS and yet we still greet each other with a hug.  I’m not a hugger.  I am a firm believer in my personal bubble.  But I’ll always hug a unicorn friend.

Last night while singing along to the band doing Red Hot Chili Peppers covers or while the DJ played David Allen Coe, I was in the presence of unicorn friends.  For a couple hours I was given a pass to glimpse back to pre-adult Kelli and the people who helped shape her.  We were giving each other a hard time, teasing the one who is vaping because it’s “healthy”, finding out who has how many kids, who’s still a borderline alcoholic, who has grown up, who is exactly the same, and whatever happened to -?  These conversations filled the night, along with singing, dancing and laughs.  For a few hours reality was suspended and I enjoyed being surrounded by unicorns.

PS.  I’m sure the majority of my unicorns, would not appreciate the term, it sure doesn’t sound manly, but if they find out-I probably won’t see them for a few years anyway.


Temptation Thy Name is Nachos

I caved.  I had a plate of yellow corn tortilla chips with extra sharp cheddar cheese melted on top and it was fantastic!  I don’t know if it was the hunger gnawing away at me, the annoyance of trying to get a website set up(I don’t want to call customer service for a third time to explain I’m stupid) or my lack of sweet sweet carbs this week…but I devoured that plate of chips and enjoyed every second of it.

Yesterday to curb my nacho craving I made some imposter nachos.  I cooked some riced cauliflower in salsa with shredded chicken.  I added jalapeno, and poured it in a bowl with lettuce, cheese, fat free sour cream and guacamole on top.  It was tasty but not quite the same.  Tonight after dinner I tried sweet green peppers and ate my carefully portioned glob of guacamole.  That was crunchy but not salty.  It was time for the real deal.  I may regret this tomorrow but I’m liking it right now.  The scale decided to do an upward swing today of a 1/2 pound for no reason(194.2), so I’ll give the scale a reason to tack on a pound…and I’ll call it delicious!

Look I can’t be perfect and I don’t want to live in a world without nachos.  That’s just ludicrous! A splurge today will be a little extra effort tomorrow.  It’ll be fine.  It’s the beginning of a three-day weekend.  Lord give me strength so I don’t finish the bag, a side of beef, a half a pack of bratwurst and float my sorrows away drowning in Colorado bulldogs.  What a way to go.





No Sleeves


My sister used to date a guy which we snarkily referred to as “no sleeves”. Every shirt this guy owned did not have sleeves. Most of them were “customized” to not include sleeves. It didn’t matter what he was doing. He generally didn’t wear sleeves. Riding a horse? No sleeves. Going out on the town? No sleeves. Coming to Easter dinner? No sleeves.

One thing that ol’ No Sleeves had, that I didn’t, was confidence. I don’t know how long it has been, but my upper arms haven’t seen the light of day for a very long time. The only exception to this would be the few times I was in a swimsuit(but that was usually indoors) and if I was mowing my lawn in the privacy of my own yard, I’d wear a tank top. Other than that if I was wearing a dress or shirt that were missing sleeves, I’d wear a shell. “Shell” is very appropriate because those little half-jacket, bolo-looking articles of clothing did seem to protect me…from my own insecurities. I don’t know what I thought was going to happen if someone saw the skin between my shoulder and elbow but it apparently was so heinous in my mind I didn’t even buy sleeveless clothes without having a coordinating jacket/bolo/shell to go with it.

This past weekend I decided enough was enough! Part of this lifestyle upgrade is accepting what I’ve got going on. When my family headed to Fargo to run errands on Saturday, I wore a sleeveless shirt. Sunday when my brother-in-law was married, I wore a sleeveless dress. Both days I left the shell at home. Do you know what happened to me Saturday? NOTHING. There were no horrified stares in Costco. No one was laughing and pointing at the grocery store. I even forgot that I was so brazenly bearing upper arm flesh. Oh but Sunday, do you know what happened Sunday? That’s right: the park burst into flames and screeching fat-demons appeared to drag me to He…nope. I had pleasant conversations with family members. I had comments about how good hubby and I are looking and we took pictures. We took a family picture of my husband’s family: parents, siblings, and significant others(I believe for the first time ever) and it was a nice picture. The girls, hubby and myself also have a new family photo: I just ordered an 8×10 because I think it’s my new favorite family photo. Could you imagine??? My new favorite family photo and I’m standing there with my arms hanging out like…like…well they’re arms. They’re just arms and whether or not an outfit has sleeves will no longer be a factor when I’m shopping.

I’m not going to go totally sleeveless from now on but on hot days, don’t be surprised if you see “No Sleeves” Kelli.

I Double Donut Dare You

Third place: I am solidly in third place for my weight loss competition at work. The top three places receive cash money. There are twelve people competing and I’ve been in third place the entire competition. I’m 1.47% ahead of fourth place and .66% behind second. I am 2.44% behind first place. Those are the numbers. Everything boils down to numbers. Besides the weight loss competition at work, I am using an app where I am competing to reach my weight loss goal with hundreds of other people. If I don’t reach my goal, I lose money. I have 2.5 pounds to lose in 11 days to win one of the competitions. This is fueling my motivation. My motivation is helping me reach goals.

I have placed little markers(carrots) to achieve, short-term goals, to work toward and help me look forward. My last weight carrot was to hit my pre-pregnancy weight. DONE. My next is to get to the next round number(by 5s) of pounds lost. Counting every 5 pounds may not seem like a big deal, but that’s how I ended up gaining far more than I should have: a whole lot of “not a big deal” adding into one big deal and one big me.

My first exercise goal was to finish my first post-baby 5K, by any means necessary. DONE. Now my time to beat is 44 minutes, 54 seconds. I have registered for another 5K in August and my goal is to beat my previous time. I’m also going to sign up for the Sandy’s Donut 5K just for fun.

If you have read my previous posts, you may remember me gushing over the awesomeness of Sandy’s Donuts. Sandy’s hosts a 5K in Fargo around Halloween. It is on Saturday November 5th this year. They GIVE YOU DONUTS as you run. If there is any little voice in the back of your head that may possibly want to complete a 5K, come do this one with me! Maybe you don’t really like me and you are just reading this to make fun of my grammatical errors and to fuel your hatred of all things NoDak, then still do the 5K and just avoid me(I don’t run fast it shouldn’t be hard to lose me).

Whatever you have going on, if you have something that you want to accomplish, set a goal. Tell someone your goal and then WORK. The results will be sweet. If you’re lucky they’ll be as sweet as a Sandy’s donut. (Seriously I can’t be the only one who thinks this is going to be the best 5K ever) Registration for the donut run opens June 1st.  Let’s set a goal of participating in a Fargo 5K(with donuts)!

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” – CS Lewis


Back on the Horse

After the week of birthdays, wedding, and a 5K, my stagnancy of weight loss is reflected by the dreaded number looking back at me being the same. I haven’t gone up, at least not enough to register on the scale for more than a day, so for that, I’m happy.

I climbed back up on the diet horse. I drank my shakes and had my protein bar. My lunch consisted of raw celery, carrots, and cucumber with a little yogurt dill salad dressing. Dinner tonight consisted of a pizza. WHOA! Hold your horses, you say, it’s fine, it was a cauliflower crust “pizza”. I made half turkey, bacon, ranch and the other half buffalo chicken. I like making “pizza” because it doesn’t seem like I’m eating veggies but my portion of the pizza gives me over 2 cups of veggies. The more I can trick myself, the better! Last night I also made stuffed jalapenos…which were amazingly simple and tasty. I put a little sharp cheddar, turkey bacon and a smidge of fat free cream cheese(this might be illegal, but it was a very small amount) in a hollowed out jalapeno half and then bake for 15-20 minutes.
One thing that I didn’t like about starting this high-veggie lifestyle was the amount of vegetables I had to eat(DUH) and all I could envision eating was iceberg lettuce and broccoli florets. I have found that food is more fun now because I am being more creative and purposeful with my grocery shopping and my cooking. It’s more rewarding for me to prepare something now because it’s good for me and if I can make it look and taste good, I feel like I’m winning this rigged game. I used to make dinner and it would be beige: chicken nuggets, French fries, bread, pasta, beige, beige, blah. Now I make food that’s colorful and flavorful. I like it!

Today I also kicked it back into gear by peddling 5 miles on the stationary bike on my lunch break. I really don’t like working out. It sucks. If someone tells you that they enjoy exercising, don’t climb into their windowless van, they are not to be trusted. I like being active but I have a job where I stare at a computer all day, so there aren’t a lot of chances to get up and move around. When I get home after work I generally have less than two hours before bedtime starts for the girls, so my small window of time to work with gets filled quickly with dinner, baths, and leave little time to get out and about. I also have the added obstacle of Miss A not walking yet so I’m limited to doing things where I can tote her along or activities where she will sit and occupy herself, so that’s very limiting. Excuses. These are all excuses. If I want, I can find time to be active. If I want I can make better choices to get moving. If I’m not going to do it on my own during the day, then I need to sit my butt on a stationary bike or go for a walk/jog or hop on an elliptical. That’s life. It may not be convenient, or timely, or ideal, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. I may hate working out, but I bet I’ll hate dying of heart disease more…just sayin’.

“Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure.” -Don Wilder

10 Realizations From 10 Years


Today I watched my brother-in-law exchange vows with his new wife.  This made me think about my own marriage.  I am by no means an expert and I am not saying that I have any more insight than any other married person.  I just like to ramble in written form.  Here are some things I have realized in my decade of marriage:

  1. Anyone can leave.  Realizing this helps you to be a better person because if you are too big of a jerkface, the other party can leave.  You don’t own them.  They don’t own you.  There’s a door to every room and at anytime you can walk out.  Since we said marriage vows, we do not intend to walk out of the door, but we also realize it’s a real option.
  2. No one likes a jerk, including your spouse.  Why should your spouse go out of their way to be nice to you, if you are a jerk, or worse: you treat them like a nuisance or bother?  Go classic on this one: do unto your spouse as you’d have them do unto you.  Don’t get caught up in the “but he” or “but she didn’t” because that doesn’t get you anywhere.
  3. That annoying thing they do?  You have something annoying that you do too so if you don’t want to hear a laundry list of your flaws, shut your pie hole.  Pick your battles.  If it drives you crazy that they never EVER put away the laundry but you have never had to clean a toilet, maybe you should just put away the other person’s socks.  If it’s traveled from annoyance to causing you visions of violence against the person then you should…
  4. Talk to and vent to your spouse if it is needed.  Hubby and I will discuss situations that we were witness to(a friend’s argument with a spouse for example) and discuss how we would have handled the situation.  We don’t do this to judge our friend, it’s more of a touchstone to make sure we are on the same page.  This is especially true for parenting, we’d really like to have as unified front as we can when raising our kids.
  5. Marriage is 50-50, or at least that’s the goal.  This may not be true for all couples, but the expectation should be known.  We are a 50-50 couple.  We both work full time outside of the home, we both share the chores around the house, we both share the parenting.  That’s how we do it and that’s our goal.  We don’t have chart.  We don’t bicker about who does what, we just both chip in.  There are some things that he never does but there are also things that I never do.  We pull from our talents: I should not be in charge of vehicle maintenance just like he should not be in charge of household finances.  If push came to shove, we could both take care of what needs to be done, but it just makes more sense to let the one who has more of a knack for it handle the matter.
  6. If you are going to pick a side, pick your spouse’s.  You signed on for better or for worse so don’t be the first one to throw your spouse under the bus when something goes wrong.  The world can be a crummy place.  You should always be supportive of your spouse and your kids.  That being said:
  7. Talk them out of Crazy Town.  The best marriages consist of people who both subscribe to the same book of crazy, but you need to be able to tell the other person, “you’ve left Slightly Goofy and have gone into Whacked Out” without them becoming offended.  Isn’t one of the perks to getting married, having that person to tell you to come down from the bell tower and they still love you?
  8. There’s temptation everywhere.  There is always going to be temptation: that extra friendly coworker, that stripper at the laundromat, the guy at the grocery store.  If you cannot trust that your spouse can navigate through the daily interactions with these people, you will be miserable, so trust your spouse and if you can’t: fix it.  Do counseling, hash it out, do what you need to do, but have trust in your heart.
  9. Help your spouse be the best version of themselves that they can be.  This may sound simple but it is powerful.  If your spouse loves something, let them explore: take a class, go on a trip, buy a toy.  Let them do them.  You don’t want to be the source of their resentment and if you let them grow in what they love, they’re a better and happier person.  Who doesn’t want an even better and happier version of their spouse?
  10. Appreciate him or her: whether it’s a smack on the ass, filling their car with gas, a card, packing their lunch or a hug for no reason.  People like to be seen and acknowledged.  When you let the daily grind get between you and your spouse you are causing a problem larger than you realize.  No one gets divorced because she didn’t say “thank you” one time or he didn’t notice the change in her hairstyle the first 10 minutes she was home.  You can choose a habit of building up or tearing down but it isn’t only your spouse who will be effected.

Wow.  That was awfully deep for a Sunday evening.  It must be the booze talking.  Oh yeah, after the second cupcake today, I decided all bets are off in diet land.  It’s okay, game on again starting tomorrow.  After all tomorrow is another day!




My legs are sore today.  I finished the 5K in less than 45 minutes! image.jpg I heard a 12 year-old girl finished in less than 20 minutes…everyone has their talent.  I bet that preteen isn’t sore today.  I don’t like reminders that I’m out of shape or getting older.  It’s like when I see a group of girls, who in my mind are obviously 12, celebrating a 21st birthday or a bachelorette party…who let’s these kids in the bar???

Speaking of kids, when I started running around with my last boyfriend, who’s now my first husband(I’m optimistic that he’ll be my only husband, but probably not if I make a habit of introducing him as my first husband), on one of our very first dates we were out “cruising” and he pulled in front of a house.  I figured it was a friend’s house and didn’t think anything of it when he asked me to go in with him.

We walk into the house and I see a little boy about age 5 or 6, wearing nothing but tighty-whiteys, who takes off running into another room and a girl, of about 10, comes over to stand awkwardly close to me to interrogate me and comment on my cute accessories.  I was a pretty stylish teenager, if I do say so myself…this was pre-Facebook so you’ll just have to take my word on it.  The parents of these kids make small talk with my beau and me, I realize quickly that this guy has brought me to his parents’ home!  No warning, no discussion, just popping in on mom and dad with this girl I’ve known for a week.  Let me back up and say that this guy is in his mid-20s and living on his own, so it isn’t like he took me to his house.  He lived in another town more than 10 miles away.  Come to think of it, there were quite a few episodes of questionable choices when we started dating, but we managed to end up getting hitched a few years later anyway.

Tomorrow our daughter, Miss E, is going to be a flower girl in the wedding of that little boy who was wearing nothing but tighty-whiteys the first time we met and who probably didn’t say a word to me until three years after I started dating his big brother.  He’s going to be marrying a girl that he started dating when he was a teenager and I hope they have nothing but the best outcomes.  Anyone married will testify it isn’t always fun, it isn’t stress-free, and sometimes just screaming nonsensically and throwing things at your spouse(idle threats, pillows, anvils) may seem like the best option at the time, but when the dust settles if you can see the positives in the outcomes, and you’re both still traveling down the same road, you’re doing pretty good.

Talk about feeling old!!  I wonder what kind of cake they’re having…

The Siren Song of Cheese

At 5:30AM yesterday my sister and I drug ourselves out of bed and out into the 44 degree morning air for a pre-work walk. We walked a half mile away from my house and back on a gravel road. The only other creature stirring was our farm cat, Bucket. Bucket also seemed confused as to why we were out and about that early. The sun itself was only just beginning to rise for the day.

When we returned home I felt my familiar soreness in my hip, which is a reoccurring issue but it didn’t hurt. Today is the day of the 5K and I’d be lying if I said I was confident in my abilities. The truth is the majority of my walking/jogging is done on a treadmill which is very different than outside on the rural gravel roads or on the paved streets of Fargo. I have no doubt that I will finish but I am concerned that this will be a real slap-in-the-face to just how unfit I am. The scale also hasn’t moved for two days: 196. No doubt my penance for all-you-can eat fajita night(still totally worth it). I guess it might be more accurate to say that I’m excited for the 5K and nervous for the possible repercussions. I just need to remember it’s ONLY 3.1 miles and I’m lapping my old self who would be sitting on the couch on the computer or watching TV.

My daily dose of temptation was cruelly delivered in the form of Pizza Ranch.  Miss E had a preschool program in the back room of Pizza Ranch…and it was buffet night.  I hadn’t had a chance to have dinner beforehand so a hungry, stressed, and frazzled me walked into a wall of greasy-aired goodness. Before me sprawled all of the carblicious foods I have been avoiding. The siren buffet called to me like I was a sailor. It was cheesy, ranchy, drippy amazement.  I walked past the bodacious buffet, like I had lost my sense of smell, and watched little kids attempt to scream-sing for 20 minutes. My spinach and green pepper omelet later that night tasted like victory.